Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
