And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
