Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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