my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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