He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
