pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize