My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
