it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
