Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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