if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
