nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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