Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im about as happy as oj after his trial
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
