Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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