worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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