I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
