i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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