Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
