i would punch a child for taco bell
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
