my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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