I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
should my penis look like a turkey
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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