I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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