is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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