if i can run in heels then i can drive
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
