Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
