this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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