OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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