Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
