I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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