I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
