Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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