i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
