Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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