I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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