Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
