I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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