White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
