the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
