Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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