i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
