Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
