In the future we'll all be gay
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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