Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
