One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sex in the backyard? Check.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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