Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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