I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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