he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
