with your own penis?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I understand Curling. That high.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize