It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
