If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
