I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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