At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize