The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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