rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The adults are the big ones right?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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