He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
