giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
