i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize