My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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