I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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