You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
