I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
