guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize