the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
