Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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