dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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