Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Someone came in the potted fern
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
