i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
