Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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