haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
