I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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