Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
