kristin has been a bad kristin
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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