so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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