would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
