How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
