Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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