Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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