gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
