omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
