I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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