ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
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I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
