I looked at my own cervix.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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