My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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