and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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