Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
