u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
