what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
