Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
