You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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