we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize