Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
