Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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