If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
