her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
