i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You don't make any sense
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