Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You pole danced in your parka.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
