It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize