watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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