I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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