Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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