i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize