The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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