I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
