The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
